One or Many?
I met a woman online and exchanged a few emails. Do you recommend me to talk to other girls?
If I visit her, since the trip is long and expensive, should I meet other
girls to take the best advantage of my trip? If yes, how can I let her know without hurting
her feelings?
Most guys correspond with more than one girl. I think it is wise, because:
1. most likely the girl is corresponding with more than one guy and
2. unless you found your “perfect match” and are 100% sure she is “the one”, you don’t want to waste months corresponding to someone to later realize that she is not really the woman you want to spend your life with.
If you are still not sure which girl is right for you when you decide to travel, it is ok to see a few girls during your trip. There is no need to lie to all of them, but in my opinion there is also no need to tell every one of them that she is not the one you came to see. Russians (and Ukrainians) use “white lies” a lot, so in my opinion it would be OK if instead of telling her/them you are coming all the way from Canada to meet HER, you just told her/them that you are coming to visit her country/city and it would be great if you could meet.
I don’t think there is a way of letting her know she is not the one you came to see without hurting her feelings (that’s what I feel as a Russian woman anyway). Especially if she already has some feelings for you.
PS. If my readers have any other tips or thoughts about this please feel free to jump in and share them with us.
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I agree about writing many. That much seems very normal and natural, and I’m sure everyone agrees. But my observation has been that usually the most effective approach to meeting Russian women is to narrow the field down during correspondence to the point where a guy plans a trip to see only one girl.
And that’s where I differ with this article: I believe that if a guy is serious, and he seeks a girl who is serious, he really needs to plan to see only the one girl on his trip. The idea of “white lies”, or simply not informing a girl that a guy is also meeting others, or telling her that he’s just coming to visit her country/city will all be immediately seen as BS, and MOST decent, self-respecting women serious about finding a partner for life will not tolerate this!
Sure, a guy can plan a trip to see his one girl and have a “Plan B” in mind in case his #1 fails to live up to expectations (or he fails to live up to her expectations), but that Plan B really needs to be a Plan B. No action should be taken on it as it WILL almost surely sabbotage efforts with #1.
I know, I know… this doesn’t seem realistic… How can a guy who has limited funds and vacation time who lives in the U.S. or Australia plan a trip to see just one girl? Isn’t that an extremely risky proposition? YES, but I don’t make the rules, I just report them
Realistically what this means is that a guy REALLY needs to get to know his girl before visiting, and this means they need to speak on Skype video calls almost every day for three months. That will probably bring to the surface any major lack of chemistry.
Bob
Bob, I completely agree with you. It would be much better to not use any “white lies” and go see just one girl. The one you really care about.
Skype is a perfect solution and if the girl has a computer and internet access, this is what you should do. Unfortunately many people in FSU don’t own a computer or if they do they don’t always have Internet access. You will probably agree that talking via Skype in Internet cafe’s where there is zero privacy is not really an option.
About 2/3 of my Russian friends don’t have a computer and some even don’t have an email address. It is hard to believe because we are so used to it in the U.S. Even 5 year olds know how to use computers here (my kid does), but this is not the case in former USSR countries.
My Russian family had a computer for about 5 years now and they had internet access almost right away, but it was a dial up and it was a huge pain talking to them via Msn messenger (we were not familiar with Skype back then or maybe it didn’t exist). The video wouldn’t load most of the time and when it would it would freeze. It was a huge stress for all of us so we stopped doing that. Last year they were able to get a high speed Internet, so we chat almost every day.
But not every family can do that. High speed internet is not even available everywhere. Computer is not really a luxury for middle-class families, but many people don’t bother with it, because they don’t consider it a necessity.
Natalia
Many women: gooed or bad? Is the question. It depends – just like in Western Europe, and the States – on two factors: you and the girl(s). I went a few times (2 times for one girl, one time for 2). Never forget that people are people and that “culture” and “local habits” are just varnish on the essence. Would an Eur/Am woman be happy if she corresponded for months with you and it turns out that you have done the same to a few others as well?
And that you then go dating them one after the other? NOOOOOOO WAY!. Would you be happy if she did the same to you: having you come to the ex-USSR and saying: well, you’re a nice man, but I have more confidence in yesterday’s candidate? NOOOOOO! I know, for me it’s a 2 or 3 hours’ cheap flight, for you it’s a different story. Just do as you would treat any American date. One at the time. It takes more time and effort for you, but then you can go with a clean soul. The time I went visiting two girls (one after the other) it was ME who felt very bad about it.
Do not underestimate the cleverness of your Russian partner to be. Do not exaggerate on nothing, be yourself and tell her the things as they are and which she should know: so, also the delicate subjects: finances (what’s possible what’s not), the fact that chances are that she is going to have to work because a lot of the wealth of US and EUR countries is based upon a double income. And don’t forget to mention that they will make a big fal from the social ladder in most cases and it is probable that even with an university degree they’ll have to start in hamburger jobs. If she’ then still prepared to come, you will have a good woman, a fighter. And Russians are no cowards: once your friend, always your friend. I generalize of course, but there’s truth in it.